Independence

Being independent is the ultimate goal we all have, whether or not we realize it.

When we are born, we are all dependent on the people around us. We depend on them to feed us. We depend on them to protect us. We depend on them to nurture us. Whatever we need, we depend on someone to provide. As we grow, step by step we learn to do things on our own. We no longer need anyone to feed us, carry us around, or help us change dirty diapers. We learn to find ways to deal with incidents that happen around us. We become more and more independent with each passing day.

Though there will be some who are still dependent on their parents even after schooling years. Perhaps they have been heavily protected to the point that they do not realize they have a life to live. Perhaps they do not understand that their parents will one day leave them behind. Who is to blame for the dependency of such children? Some would blame the parents for being over-protective. In actual fact, everything falls back to the individual themselves. They cannot blame other people for their unwillingness to take one step out of their comfort zone. If they are able to show their parents that they can do it on their own, there is no reason their parents should hold them back.

What is the meaning of independence?

It is being in a state of freedom from external control.
It is being in a state of not depending on another for the sustenance of live.
It is being in a state of capable of thinking or acting for oneself.

The state of being is one that every individual should focus on. Very often, we depend on external views to enable us to make decisions that matter in our life or the life of others. Why is that so?

Humans are sociable creatures. We love to think that our every decision will affect many things around us. Many of times, this is true. Every single decision we make could have a huge impact on the lives of others. Perhaps it is our responsibility to get opinions of others before making that big decision of ours. While the opinions of others may be important to guide us, it should never ever override the ultimate decision we make. There will be people who disagree with us one way or the other. As long as the decision we make is for the better of the majority, we have to pay a small price of the unhappy minority.

Every individual is different and have their own mindset. It is impossible to make every single person happy about our decision. As long as the decision we make is a well-thought one which gives a positive impact to the world, nature, and community, we have every right to stand firm to that regardless of what the haters say.

Some people are very keen on living in their own box. We can try to explain to them the positivity of our decision but they are just reluctant to listen. It is okay. The best way we can go about this situation is to make things happen through our decision. Results will explain everything. When we show them the great achievements of our doing, there is no reason for them to continue their objection. Never ever should we give in to their lame excuses. Never ever should we try to argue with them. Time will tell.

How to be independent?

Life is simple. Independence is achieved when we are free and easy.

It is easier said than done. Humans have created borders and countries. Each country has its own leaders. The independence of the country is very much dependent on the leader itself. However, there is no hard fixed place we cannot venture. We only need to know how to do it. There have been solo or group travelers who have been around the world, through borders of numerous countries, just on their bike. This is the state of freedom we all seek but never get to doing.

Independence of an individual is easy to achieve. Independence of a country requires strength and courage of many individuals to provide a better livelihood for their young. Cherish the freedom we have and be grateful for the sacrifice of our forefathers so we can live peacefully in our home country.

Selamat Hari Merdeka!

 

A great step towards independence is a good-humored stomach, one that is willing to endure rough treatment.

Lucius Annaeus Seneca (Seneca the Younger), Hispano-Roman Stoic philosopher, 4BC-65AD

Perception

Perception is important and dangerous altogether.

Humans very commonly judge a book by its cover. Sight is most used of all senses and each time we see something, we believe it is true. While it is true at that moment, it may not be so before and after that very moment itself. When two people fight, the winner seems to be cruel while the loser gets pity from everyone. However, we do not know head or tail of the whole story. The winner could have been the good guy provoked to the point he breaks. The loser could have been pretending in order to get attention or help. How often do we arrive early for the pre-fight and stay till the end for the post-fight?

Most of the time, we will listen to the people around us talking about other people or issues, especially those that concern us. We may be skeptical at the beginning. Somehow, when more and more people are talking about the same thing, rumours turn into reality. It is believed that a lie can become the truth when it is repeated more than a thousand times. A rumour is the most dangerous silent killer. It can kill respect. It can kill trust. It can kill confidence. It can kill relationships. Worst off, it can also take a life. Before we contribute to this sin, it would be better off to verify how much truth there is to a statement.

While we are aware that what we see could only be partial of the story and what we hear could be a total hoax, whatever we do is entirely up to us. We know there are hotlines to report home violence, will we take the liberty to pick up the phone and dial that number if we become aware of one such cases? We know that Mother Nature is crying in pain, will we step up and step out to fend for her and to protect her at all costs? We know that wild or stray animals do not like to come into contact with humans unless they have been forced to do so, will we leave a crop out there for them to feed their families?

Becoming aware of something is entirely different from really putting efforts to change for the better. We are aware of many things around us, what have we done to improve the situation?

We have our own freedom to interpret things our own way. Some say we should all do good but the meaning of good is understood differently by everyone. This brings us to the most sensitive issue that not many would dare to touch, religion. We each believe teachings of our own religion is the best. We selectively believe the people who spread the teachings and seldom question their interpretation because we have the perception that they are the devotees of the almighty. We should ask our inner senses. We should ask if whatever the person is telling us to do is really the religion itself. Or, if there is a slight chance that the person may have other agenda. Nobody can force us into doing something we are not willing to.

We should believe our own interpretation, and not blindly follow the insight of others.

We are born with a special gift. One that we have forgotten because of distractions. If we look back at our younger years, what is the major change from who we were to who we are now? We used to be the child of many thoughts. We imagined everything impossible and we strongly think that we are right. Children have the purest thoughts. As adults, we are consistently worried that the child might be cheated to take the wrong path. Perhaps we have a pure heart to help them but if we are to be overprotective all the time, will the child ever grow to learn the ups and downs of life itself?

Put ourselves in our children’s shoes. How well will we fair if we had us as our parents? Being protective is the norm. Letting our children choose their own path while teaching them moral is really what parents around the world should be doing. Sometimes we learn a hundred lessons in one failure, better than any classroom can ever teach. Never cushion them when they fall, only then they will learn to heal and get up as a renewed person.

Being positive is great. Having positive perception and approach is priceless.

 

If you can change your perception, you can change your emotion and this can lead to new ideas.

Edward Charles Francis Publius de Bono (Edward de Bono), Maltese psychologist and author who originated the term lateral thinking in Six Thinking Hats, 1933-present

Love

How deep is your love? This song has been playing in my head for at least an hour now.

Love comes in many forms. It can be given or taken. Some people are just born with the life that everyone dreams of. They seem to be loved by people everywhere they go. Some are not so fortunate. They have been the ones giving but never getting anything in return.

Whether or not our family is perfect, it really does not matter. We should be grateful for having parents and siblings around us when we are growing up. We may have had fights between siblings for something as small as that beautiful pen or big as the estates of our parents. Everything that we have, we should be grateful for. There are some out there who have been abandoned or orphaned the day they were born.

Humans love to compare between each other. We love to look up to people who are more privileged than us. While this is good for aiming for a better life, we need to strike a balance between what is realistic and what is mere jealousy.

We may be having family members who are always fighting over everything under the sky. While we want to have a peaceful life, we should look at each family member as an individual and also collectively. There is no point comparing with our friends and neighbours. Everyone has their own way of communicating with each other. Having arguments all the time may be better than just keeping silent of all misery.

Just imagine we are a rubber band. It will last longer if it is stretched and let go every now and then. If it is continuously stretched and keep on being stretched, there will come a time when it can no longer withstand the stress. It will break. There need to be space for letting go of all the tension. That space may jolly well mean arguments between family members.

It is always better to let everyone know what we have in mind rather than making people guess. Women have a tendency to make their partners guess. No matter how well their partner may know them, sometimes the guessing game goes overboard. When that happens, we are often not satisfied and say to our partner that they do not love us anymore.

Men, on the other hand, are generally more straight-forward. But there is a problem with them too. They have a thing about being the bread winner of the household. Perhaps it is ego. Perhaps it is just the way they have been brought up, to be responsible over the family. Sometimes, we do feel that men are not such great lovers anymore after marriage. And so, problems arise.

We should understand that relationships move both ways and changes as time goes by. The fairy tale beginning during courtship will soon end when the relationship is brought to another level. After tying the knot, life begins in a different way. While keeping promises is important, we should also prepare for changes to happen. There could be that new home, living with in-laws, having children, and much more to take into consideration. If we are not prepared for these, some serious problems could arise.

If love is what brought a couple together, then love should bring them further. With love, all difficulties can be conquered. With love, we grow better.

But let us not forget the most important person we should love.

Life is as such that we are too busy to remember the most important person in our lives. Self-love is something that we should practice every minute. Whatever anybody says does not matter. All that matters is what we think of ourselves. The only person who will take the last breath with us is none other than ourselves. There is no doubt about that.

So why spend all the time loving somebody else but forgetting to love ourselves? Anybody can steal our heart and disappear forever from our lives. Why are we spending all the effort loving everyone else but not ourselves? Why do we always put ourselves last? We only live once. Make it meaningful.

It is only when we love ourselves, we are able to spread love to the world.

 

When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.

Paulo Coelho de Souza (Paulo Coelho), Brazilian lyricist and novelist, 1947-present

Hole

Holes exists everywhere, whether or not they are visible to the naked eyes.

If we are to look under the microscope, we will realize that almost all things that we hold and see have spaces in between each linking atom. As smooth as we see or feel, there will be weak points everywhere. It depends very much on the strength of the links to determine if these weak points will grow in size and end up creating a hole.

Since we cannot avoid holes, why not just live with it?

Very often we see a hole as a void in our lives. We are not born perfect, but at least we do not have a hole in the heart. When I was young I thought a hole in the heart means a hole through the heart created by a cupid. It was only after I went to school that I understood it literally means a hole inside the heart. This is a condition in the person that could create many health problems.

As complicated as it may sound, we should be thankful that we are given a chance to live a great life. We may have been through some events that break us. Just look on the bright side. At least we have a complete heart, why not live whole-heartedly?

We should dare to love, even if it hurts. We never try, we never know. Who is to tell if the love we now feel will last forever or will end in sorrow? Nobody can tell. Nobody will ever know. Why not just give it a try? Give your heart out never expecting anything in return. It is the expectations we set that often let us down. If we do not have any anticipations, nothing will let us down. 

A hole can be deliberate or incidental.

The clothes we wear have holes that can be seen if we look closely. This is so the cells in our body can breathe. We feel comfortable in such material. Just imagine if we have plastic bags for clothes. We would probably feel stuck in sweat and restlessness.

The pots that we use for our plants all have holes underneath. This is to avoid stagnant water clogging inside the container. Even the roots need breathing space for proper growth. Though they need water to survive, overly drenching them will cause them to suffocate and rot.

Holes are important for drainage. There are holes within the floors and walls of all constructions. We may not be able to see but they are important for the building to function properly. We need to ensure nothing clogs up or we will have to find alternative ways to get rid of waste water.

If we think of holes as a negative element, we will always encounter them. One of the most dangerous hole is a pothole. It may seem like a small little pothole but if left untreated, could be a major disaster for the next passerby.

In the path of life, we may encounter many dips and dents along the way. Some are negligible. But if we make an effort to understand the cause of it, we may be able to amend it before it spreads like a plague. All we need may be as simple as putting some fillers to smoothen the way.

Of course there will be some holes that are concealed. It may be hollow inside but still looking sturdy externally. We can swiftly glide through to the next level in life and forget about the emptiness within. Or we can choose to take life step by step and enjoy the space given for the mind to grow.

Sometimes, we stumble upon a hole so enormous it seems impossible to make it to the route on the other side. This is the time for us put on the thinking cap. We either stay put in the current situation or build a bridge across. Wooden or golden, now or within the year, straight or diagonal, nothing matters. As long as we put in the effort, we are sure to get somewhere. Whether it is the end of the rainbow or the beginning of another challenge, at least we tried. We give ourselves a pat for successfully crossing this hole.

A hole is motivation to move forward. Live to the fullest!

 

A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.

Samuel Langhorne Clemens (Mark Twain), American writer, 1835-1910

Universe

The universe is at large, we are but a speck of dust!

Yes, we are that minute in the universe. But we somehow like to magnify problems that we are facing, making them so enormous we are unable to solve. Is there really a problem that we cannot solve?

Everything happens for a reason. This is what we should all remind ourselves daily. Nothing ever happens without any reason at all. Though we may not be able to see the reason now, there will come a time when we finally would understand the true meaning behind everything there is.

The little tasks that we have to deal with every now and then. The people we meet. The events that happen in our lives. They are all to build us, to improve us, to nurture us to become our better self.

Everyone is different. There is no point comparing with each other. Instead, compare ourselves then with now. If we are to pull ourselves out of our current situation and become an observer, we will find that we have changed.

Change is inevitable. We should embrace change. At times, we may sway a little to the dark side and end up making wrong decisions. We then find ourselves tumbling downhill like never before. Everything we do seems unacceptable. It is okay. We are human after all. It is not how hard we fall, it is how fast we get up to face challenges again.

Every human makes mistakes. What is important is to let go, never to dwell and blame anyone, especially ourselves. Learn from the past and make a better future. This is the utmost important practice everyone should adhere to.

Change for the better.

Live the path of truth. Be true to ourselves and everyone else. We may not be able to please everyone, in fact, we can never please everyone, not in our family, office, amongst friends, let alone the entire world. Everyone has their own opinion. As long as our decision is what we think is right, we are on the right track. Most importantly is to never harm another being. Even better, to be able to lend helping hand to those in need.

Everyone has their own dreams, they could be similar to ours but never the same. It would be perfect if everyone has the same dreams as ours, then the world would be better. Life is simple, but not as simple as that. Just imagine if everyone is to compete for the same things, what would happen to the world? We do not need to look far. If everyone in the family only wants to use that same cup, can they take turns or will they fight day in day out?

We can never tell what the future will be but we can always work toward a better future. Variety is what we have. Creativity is what we are born with. We just need to use them to guide our path in the right direction heading towards our dreams.

Our dreams will come true one way or the other. Sometimes may be exactly the way we dreamt of but most of the time, there is a twist somewhere.

I have always wanted a German Shepherd (GSD) for a dog. We now have a miniature GSD lookalike and act alike in our home. He the size of a Corgi but his entire outlook, intelligence, and energy is exactly like I imagined. This dream of mine came true in a subtle way. The universe knows that with the little space I have at home, a full-sized GSD would be too much. Thus, this little loyal creature makes the perfect match for me. Thank you.

I am grateful I have been given a gift. The gift of life.

We only have one life. We should all cherish the one life that we have. Though the universe is colossal but we each have a universe deep within us. All beings have a little universe within. We just need to find it, tap into it, and bring it out to the light. We are the energy that can bring life to the next level. We have to be willing to do so.

This is our life, our universe.

 

The universe had to fall apart into dust first to become its majestic, incredible, infinite self. What makes you think this breaking, this trauma, this destruction, won’t be the making of a more powerful you too?

Nikita Gill, Poet and writer

Choice

Every decision we make is by choice.

We are born in an exciting world. A world full of choices. There is no right or wrong in the choices we make. It is from the different perspective that guides us to make the best choice in a certain situation.

Everyone is beautiful. Whether or not we trust ourselves is another matter altogether. Somehow, we, humans love to take seriously what others say about us rather than what we think about ourselves. We are always careful of words that come out of our mouths. We are always alert of how we dress at certain occasions. We may even put on makeup just to respect the norm in the office.

Has anyone in the urban society ever thought that it is the beauty in the soul that matters, not what we see on the outside? It is by choice we follow the flow. Nobody is pointing a gun at us to force us to choose hiding our true selves.

Some people have the privilege to be raised by understanding parents who are always supportive of their children. They are always there to guide the children to decide based on choices available. When start from young, these children will grow up to have good judgements. They had a great head start, which makes them better individuals.

There are some who are not as privileged. Kids born rich are sometimes given way too many choices. Often, they are given unlimited amount of money to spend whenever their parents do not have to the time to be with them. Without proper guidance, it is easy for such children to sway from their roots and become irresponsible of the choices they make.

I happened to be born to a family whereby the elders are always right. We had to listen to their advice or else we would regret for the rest of our lives. Words that somewhat form threatening sentences has been the way I was brought up. How can someone been born to such a limiting belief environment progress in life? I was trained to be a “YES” person to all the demands of seniors. I had no choice. Did I?

It is because of the way I was brought up, the results I produce is very much around the limited choices I have, I do not know how to think out of the box. I only know how to chase dreams, I do not know how to achieve them. I only know how to be an employee, I do not know how to make money work for me. I know my life is stuck. What do I do? What choice do I have?

From the subjects that I choose to study, to the university I choose to learn from, to the job that I choose to work in, everything was a big package. I was born a normal person in a normal family that do not encourage creativity.

I remember as a child, I was the rebellious one. I had my own thoughts. I would fight for my right to get something even if it did not belong to me. I would throw tantrums just to get to sit in the swing. I would fight back at my sister. I would argue with my parents. Back then, I was the most caned of the siblings. Everything I did, any choice that I made seemed wrong. Perhaps I was not strong enough. My soul broke. I ended up being the good girl following instructions of elders. Did I make the right choice?

Based on the situation back then, that seemed like the best choice. But situation changes every second. Just like the situation we are all in right now. We have been through thick and thin of growing up. I am grateful for all the situations I have gone through. I know now I am on the right path.

Many say that the world is going through apocalypse, all the curfew, all the lockdown from travels is a hassle. It will drive the economy down and kill many businesses and countries. Perhaps it is also by choice. We have chosen our path, which is to live our life as convenient as we want to but we have forgotten the responsibilities we have for earth.

We are all children of Mother Nature. She is teaching us a lesson. Whether or not we learn from this… is by CHOICE!

 

Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice. Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely.

Roy T. Bennett, Author of The Light in the Heart, https://thelightintheheart.wordpress.com/

Fight

This word is often misunderstood as being undesirable but its actual meaning can be of the opposite.

Sometimes, we wake up with a song in our head. Today, the song is The Fight Song. It never came to my mind to find out the actual title nor the original singer of the song. The one time I saw performance of the song was from a secondary school student in a talent audition.

A fight is often referred to physical activities between two parties, can be human or not. There are many types of fight; some being friendly while others may not.

Fighting for real between two parties often lead to injuries or even death. We do not discuss destructive fights here.

Fights can be noble. Friendly matches between two soccer teams are often put together between one celebrated team and one home team. Whenever there is such a match in my home country, there would be a massive jam on the roads leading towards the stadium. Soccer team of my home country is obviously no match for the invited team but this match is jam packed because fans of both teams would crowd the stadium to see their favourite players display their best efforts to win the match. In the end, everyone is still friends.

Muay Thai is the upcoming trend nowadays. Many ladies are signing up for this sport as it can serve as a mode of self-defense and for health reasons; as the sweat comes out, fats are burned. It can also boost self-esteem in many individuals. Each punch can make way for more oxygen to enter the lungs. Each kick can stretch all muscles in the body creating a lasting satisfying effect. In this date and time, we very often sit in front of the computer screen all day. Engaging in this kind of fight is all we need to get moving.

There are many other types of fight besides being physical. Some fights can be tormenting to an individual but when we are able to overcome it, we rise as a better individual. Politics is probably the most dangerous kind of fight. Very often, words that come out of our mouths can be hurtful and we do not realize the damage we had done to the other party.

We may not be involved directly in politics like politicians do and we are not going into that sensitive topic. What I am trying to say is that politics can exist anywhere there is humans. Home politics is mostly between siblings in a simple family. However, when there are extended family members in a big household, fights can become very complicated.

Some couples stay with in-laws after marriage. A newly-wed couple would hope for their alone time but the in-laws are always nosing around their livelihood. This not only stresses out the daughter-in-law but it is also torture to the son. Mother-in-law would expect daughter-in-law to deal with chores as they did when they were young, however, they did not realize that women these days are different from before. Women can be the sole-bread winner of the family too. They are not housewives.

Office politics is distressing. We need to have a clear mind on this. Our colleagues are just people who we see many hours a day but are not related to in any way. There is no need to take things into heart when we hear some negative comments. We can put up a fight in productive way. Let our mind be the problem solver here. Ignore everything that drags us down, find the fastest way to solve problems. The only people we need to answer to is the person who pays our salaries, nobody else.

In business, fights are all natural. We have to fight with suppliers, competitors, customers, and much more. Fights of this sort is not literal. We want to obtain the best cost from suppliers, have the best brand exposure from the rest, be the best provider for customers, and grow the business big and strong. Every single decision is for the better of the business, nothing personal.

All in all, it is the fight we have for ourselves that is most essential of all. As long as we have fight within, we are on the right track to progress for our better future.

 

You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.     

Margaret Hilda Thatcher, Baroness Thatcher (Margaret Thatcher), British stateswoman (served as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom from 1979 to 1990), 1925-2013