Reflection

Who am I?

Some people are born with the gift of knowing who they really are, who they want to become, and they have the chance to make their dreams come true. These are probably the lucky few.

Most people, however, either do not know who they really are, or who they want to become, or they do know but they are just not born in the right condition to let them shine. Whatever the reason is we choose to give ourselves, if we dig deep enough, it is usually our emotions that is taking over our mind and controlling over our life.

Have you ever wanted something so bad you are willing to give up anything and everything to get it? As adults, we would probably smile and say that only a child would be as foolish as to throwaway everything he already has in order to pursue something that is uncertain in all ways. Perhaps we would end up living a hell throughout the remaining years in our lives. Perhaps we would succeed and become a notable person in history. People are often bogged down by fear of losing it all.

As a child, you have probably had dreams far beyond imagination. You want to become an astronaut to go see the moon and stars up close. You would probably have built space ships with empty bottles and put a cape on your back to pretend that you can fly to infinity. These are beautiful times when there is nothing to worry about in life. You probably have peers having the same thinking as you do. You form discussion groups and work on projects to make your dreams a reality. You are creative.

What happened to the child in you? What happened to your fearless self?

Over the years, while growing up, you probably have encountered elders telling you of things you should leave behind. Back then, your dreams are important. Somehow, along the way, you need to come back to reality. Your dreams are a total setback and you have kept them locked in the deepest part of you, in a chest with such a huge bolt, it is impossible to unlock it anymore.

You become who you should be. You go to school. You get good results in examinations. You come out to society and you start to work your way up the corporate ladder. You excel in your job. You get promotions all the way up. You find your life partner. You get married and have children of your own. You have a mortgage to pay up. You have your children to bring up. But your dreams have been buried, so deep you can no longer uncover it.

Now your children have all grown to become adults. You are already in your golden years. Your children have children of their own. They are walking your footsteps, to become the person they adore most, you. Perhaps they are living the life of their dreams, perhaps not. Somehow, it does not seem important to have a dream after all. You have your grandchildren to love and show you love. You should be fulfilled.

As age catches up, health declines. You are not in the hospital bed. You have all the time to flash back in your younger days. You talk about those days a lot. You suddenly realize that there is something missing. Despite the happy and smooth life that you have had, there is still a void within. What is that? Why are you feeling emptiness inside when you already have what others say as a complete life?

It is your dreams.

You have been living the perfect life in the eyes of everyone but you are not living the life of your own. You look in the mirror, you see your face but you do not see the truth inside of you.
You look in the mirror, you see your body but you do not see the life you lead.
You look in the mirror, you see everything down to the acne but you cannot see through your soul.
You are you, nobody can change that. Have you been true to yourself? Or are you just merely being someone you are not?

Who is the person you see in the reflection?
Who is the person you really are?

 

Why is my reflection someone I don’t know?

Hua Mulan (花木蘭), Female warrior from the Northern and Southern dynasties era